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32 Responses to Please help me advise my teeage son (Serious answers only)?
I think you should take him to a counselor to figure out 1. why he is being picked on and 2. why he’s scared to defend himself.
10 Years M A instructor
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First of all if his dad is in his life maybe have him take him to a boxing ring as a father son thing. It might make him feel safer to be with his dad in a new surrounding.
You might seriously taking him to someone to talk too, just be very careful, there are some quacks out there.
One other thing I have for a suggestion is maybe a cousin or a relative could help him out. I really hope this helps, that must be scary.
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If you are a nurse, than you would have no problem finding a job. In our town newspapers, there is job after job for nurses. I would never have my children in a big city school. The world is too scary. I would do everything in my power to move to a smaller town and get your son some counseling. Teaching him to fight back will not acomplish anything.
10 Years M A instructor
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oh my god did you call the police for all these different things am being serious turn into super mom start beating the kids ass and they parents if they wont to step up do he have any big cousin
10 Years M A instructor
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take him to a counselor or psychologist. They can help find out why he is afraid to defend himself.
10 Years M A instructor
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Well yes I do agree that you need to do something, and soon. I don’t know if he will be the kind of kid to try suicide, but I’d be more scared that one of these times (whoever is doing these things to him) he’s going to get seriously hurt. I understand he doesn’t want you to home school him, and I understand that he doesn’t want Karate classes, but you have to take action. You work in the ER and you’ve probably saw some really serious situations come in, and I’m sure you don’t want that to be your son. You can’t always let your kid tell you he wants or doesn’t want something. I say you move him to a different (maybe even private) school. He doesn’t deserve this, and I’d just want my kid to be safe. I understand that your trying to move to a smaller city, but you need to take action now. Maybe you can get him to talk with a psychologist or counselor to find out why he doesn’t fight back, or what he really wants!
You need to do whatever it takes before its too late!
10 Years M A instructor
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I’d give him a choice, therapy or karate. Both would help because he needs to figure out why he won’t defend himself. And he needs to know ways to protect himself. Either way, he needs help. You might not even give him options, just sign him up for therapy. Tell him you are worried and want to give him someone safe to talk to. Not defending himself is dangerous!
10 Years M A instructor
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i’m 15, and i know for a fact that high school is rough. just because he goes through some things, doesn’t mean that you have to homeschool him. you don’t want to deprive him from the world either. i’ve been through all of that and i almost committed suicide myself. try talking to him. maybe he just needs a friend. i know that i don’t know you or him, but if you or him ever needs a friend, i will be more than happy to talk. i hope that i helped you. i wish you both the best of luck and remember i’m here! ONE more thing: when i was in that state, i didn’t want to talk to my parents at all, so it might be a good idea to let him talk to someone else about this for comfort issues and everything else. trust me. i wish you the best! xoxo-angelica
10 Years M A instructor
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plenty of choices. a martial arts school can teach him self defence. he’ll enjoy the workouts and grow some self respect at the same time. if you have male friend who is willing to talk with your kid about courage and attitude, take advantage of it right now. understand that 15 is still a difficult age to be alive for a boy since there are so many non-educationial expectations with which kids are not really ready to cope.
i taught my sons to defend their own honor quickly. scenario play was helpful especially in helping them learn to take the initiative. my oldest son smacked a bull right in the nose. he struck first which took the initiative away. he hit the kid’s nose because it really hurts. he stayed put so the kid knew there was more where that came from. not only was the fight over but word spread quick that my guy wasn’t someone to mess with.
you can do this. whatever you do, don’t run away. if he’s got friends, walk home with them even if they aren’t all really tight.
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I once saw a movie where the youth befriended a big, strong streetwise guy who would accompany him on many of his walks around the neighborhood. Pretty soon the bullies got out of the habit of bothering him.
If it was me, I’d find such a big, strong, streetwise friend for my son and pay him to keep an eye on him for me. All’s fare in love and war, and when the adversary is using weapons such as pipes to inflict harm, those persons need a little “attitude correction”.
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If your son, has only one parent (you), and no father, he is more than likly going to react to situations the way YOU do. He might put his hands on his hips, or talk and shake his finger, whatever it may be. If this is the case, then A). he is being picked on because he is of a more emotionaly femine reactor (reacts the way you do), so kids might call him gay, or somethign like that. and B). since he reacts like you, he will most liklynot use pysical defenses. So you can pull him out of school, move, or hire a big brother, or a guy/man he can look upto. Hope this works!
10 Years M A instructor
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If your son, has only one parent (you), and no father, he is more than likly going to react to situations the way YOU do. He might put his hands on his hips, or talk and shake his finger, whatever it may be. If this is the case, then A). he is being picked on because he is of a more emotionaly femine reactor (reacts the way you do), so kids might call him gay, or somethign like that. and B). since he reacts like you, he will most liklynot use pysical defenses. So you can pull him out of school, move, or hire a big brother, or a guy/man he can look upto. Hope this works!
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Talk to the school counsler and you could also try to put your son in karte classes that learn much more than just to protect themselves thay also learn to respect thereselves.
10 Years M A instructor
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Oh My GAWD! That IS serious! He really needs to learn to stand up for himself. Are there any adult males in his or your life that you trust to take him under their wing? You don’t say you are a single mom, but it kinda sounds like it. Either way, there is the Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization. They are really good and I would encourage you to contact them. At the age of 15 he really does need male leadership even if he may not want to admit it. It would help him tremendously! Kids today face so many more pressures than we did when we were kids, and a number of them do try to “opt” out because they don’t see any “end in sight” and they don’t think things will ever get better. Having an older wiser “buddy” can make a world of difference.
Just so you’ll know, I am the parent of a now 24 year old son, and while he was never in that particular situation, I can certainly imagine how you feel. I’m not answering this for the stuipd 2 points either. I sincerely want to help you, and I hope this does. My prayers are with you and your son.
10 Years M A instructor
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I know what its like to be the brunt of the bullies in school. We moved frequently and i never had friends, and was always picked on and beat up. Its hell. I really feel bad for your son.
Here is what got me through those situations…
Youth group
Finding atleast ONE teacher who sympathised with me
Homeschooling
I finished school at 16 because i worked my butt off to get away from it. It was hell.
I dont know what state you live in, but try checking into charter schools, or open enrollment. A lot of states offer a student to transfer to any school within the state, regardless of where they live, and there is no tuiton.
Another option if you can afford it is a private school… although some of my worst experiences were at one, it might be easier for him to survive if there are less students.
You need to reassure your son that this will pass. Tell him from someone who knows, when those caps and gowns come off EVERYTHING changes. The bullies become nothing, and the poor kids who are picked on not only suvive but have better lives. Its hard to see it at this point, but going through this will help him become a stronger person. i was so unpopular at school i had to sit alone at my own table for lunch, and everyone threw stuff at me. But now Iam married to an excellent man, Iam not only the most productive and popular among the people who used to make my life hell, but iam expecting my first child. Everything does work out in the end, i promise. He’s going to be glad when its over though!
Another option! please know, that when you home school your school district MUST allow you to come in for standardized testing, whether its regance exams, sats, presats, or just end of the year finals. These stay with your school record and can be shown to any college.
Four of my homeschool buddies went to yale, others to cornell. Its always a viable option. So is hiring a tutor, its like a private teacher who comes and makes sure youre educated up to par.
Tell him good luck for me. He’ll survive.
10 Years M A instructor
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Wow, you must live in LA. I would say that if he’s afraid of defending himself, perhaps he should learn how to avoid these circumstances entirely. And, though, it’s much easier said than done, he could definitely use more friends. A self defencse class is a great idea, you can kill two birds with one stone. He will learn that he is much more powerful than he thinks, and he will be forced into a social situation. Consider jiu-jitsu and judo over karate. These disciplines focus on wrestling and throws and minimize punches and kicks. Since almost all fights end up on the ground it is very good to know how to wrestle and submit an attacker with minimal physical damage done to either party.
Concerning the suicides, tell him about your fears. If these fears you have are based on any actions or comments by your son, have him see a therapist. Not just any therapist but one that he can trust and that your son believes that he can make progress with. Most of all talk to your son about these happenings, in a non-confrontational and somewhat detached way. See if there is anything beneath the surface that may have been leading to these fights that can be changed with behaviour.
10 Years M A instructor
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Honestly speaking, I think you and your son need to sit down and talk through some things as well as taking him to a psychologist or even the school councilor because there may be some things that he is not letting on to.
10 Years M A instructor
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My little brother is just like that, he used to get beat up in school…the only difference was that it was in 3rd grade so my mother stepped in at the time. Since you’ve talked to him, I don’t see much use in trying to flat out persuade him to fight back. The district in my area now teaches habits against bullies, you can try giving him advice on how to stand up to himself, not by neccisarily fighting back; but he can try the simple things: Ignoring, taking a different route home from school, you can pick him up, he can find a friend to walk home with, fighting back isn’t always the best answer. Have you tried contacting the school if he has been hurt in school? Counselors might try to get him away from those kids. No matter how hard school is, if your son comes home to a loving environment and plenty of support, I see no reason for him to try to committ suicide. Make him look forward to seeing his family, and he shouldn’t have any reasons to even try. Try to keep things positive. But if you pressure him when he comes home to stand up for himself, it definentely WON’T help at all. It will only make him miserable and start to regret. Gl, hopefully i have helped at all!
10 Years M A instructor
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I understand this problem you have. I have gone thought a lot of these same things and thank God my son has grown into a wonderful young man. Have you checked at his school to see if they have programs that help with this sort of thing? This isn’t good him getting beaten down at all, which i know you are aware of this. I think some of the children that you have seen in the ER for suicide may have been where your son has been. After a while your self-esteem is no longer there. Don’t give up, keep asking around and keep asking your son if he wants to go to karate classes. I am not sure how far you have gone with things but maybe you could take him to a karate class to watch. Do you have “Big Brother’s and Big Sister’s” there? They are an organization who help children have someone to pal around with them and take them different places with there is no male involvement around for him. Just do not give up. Ask people at a church if you belong but there is someone out there who can help you just need to keep searching. I wish I could help you more, if you have question don’t feel bad about asking. I will do what I can to help you and your son. God Bless.
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he sounds like a very bright child who perhaps indulges himself in his studies partly b/c he has been victimized so much. i think it’s important that you keep the lines of communication open and flowing with him. don’t pry too much, just be there for him. does he have anything else he does besides school? like other activities or clubs and such? does he hang out with friends or go out and stuff? don’t let him seclude or isolate himself…this can be a dangerous road for teens. i have seen even the brightest teens turn to drugs/alcohol when they think there is nothing else. like the others said, i think counseling may be a good idea. also, are some of these classmates beating him? have you talked to their parents? what about the school? is there maybe someone he can walk home with like another student who lives in your area? buddy system is always a good idea. hope this helps….
10 Years M A instructor
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I’d get him therapy and try changing schools and changing his apparel kids are superficial and like to pick on those who are different. I’d hope he has 1 true friend that is usually who they turn to. I know i was in the cool groups growing up and one of my friends was the one being picked on but I’d always step in and defend her.
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Well i am 15 /male almost 16 and well this is a very interesting question. I went through this up until 6th grade. If you can convince him to learn a self-defense technique that would be great. You can ask him why he refuses to learn self-defense. It may be some peer pressure problem that is makeing him not want to take karate, I know i had that when i took it so i would suggest talking to him about it again. If you talk to him i dont think that you will have to worry about him going into the ER. good luck
10 Years M A instructor
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First you need to have a chat with the principle of the school, if the attacker goes to the school they can be suspended. Make a police report if you know who does the damage to your son put an restrain order against them.
Talk to your son make him know you love him. Since your the Mom/Dad i know it may be hard for you, but make the time. For the children are the blessing.
Also talk him into taking that Karate class, let him know it’s just an after school activity.
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I would strongly suggest that you get him some martial arts training in self-defense. If he isn’t enthusiastic about it, ask a martial arts instructor to talk to him or to have some students talk to him. I studied karate for a few years and it was a great help to my personal growth. Aside from learning how to effectively defend myself, I learned to do it with minimal harm to my attacker, and I learned the dignity of defending myself with skill and style.
10 Years M A instructor
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Maybe you should consider putting him in a defense class, like karate or boxing or kick boxing… This will make him feel more secure about himself. . .
10 Years M A instructor
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