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32 Responses to Please help me advise my teeage son (Serious answers only)?
A couple of people have mentioned Big Brothers Big Sisters and as a “Big” myself, I can vouch for the organization. I’ve met lots of the men who are involved and they are sincere, upstanding guys who just want to contribute to the lives of boys like your son. It’s something to look into; he might be more inclined to open up more to a male mentor about what’s going on.
I think a counselor is a good idea, too. This seems like it’s much more serious than your garden-variety bullying and you need to find out why he’s being picked on so severely. There may be more to this than he’s let on to you so far.
While he’s rejected your offer so far, martial arts seem like a good idea. In theory, they teach you not how to fight so much as how not to have to fight. And the boost to his self-esteem could make a world of difference. Even if it didn’t stop the violence against him, it might help him get through it without descending into the depression you fear for him.
Even if you aren’t getting job offers in smaller towns, is there any chance of moving within your city? You could keep your job and putting him in a different school might break the cycle. For some reason, some bully or group of bullies has chosen to target him. That element is present in every school, but that’s not to say that he wouldn’t be able to fly below the radar in a different environment.
10 Years M A instructor
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I’M THE SAME WAY BUT NEVER GET INTO FIGHTS. MY DAD TELLS ME IF SOMEONE HITS YOU IN THE BACK YOU HIT HIM IN THE BACK. MAYBE HE’S AFRAID OF FIGHTING BECAUSE HE DOES’NT WANT IT TO BE ON HIS PERMENT RECORD AND WON’T GET INTO A GOOD COLLEGE. TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHY THEY ARE DOING THIS. TELL HIM IF SOMEONE HITS YOU FIRST THEN IT’S RIGHT TO HIT BACK. LIKE LIL JOHN SAYS ” DON’T START NO STUFF WON’T BE NO STUFF” TELL HIM NOT TO GO AROUND HITTING EVERYBODY BUT HE NEEDS TO STAND UP FOR HISELF. MAYBE IF HE HAS A CLOSE GUY FRIEND, MAYBE HIM AND HIS DAD CAN TALK ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON. SELF DEFENCE IS FIRST! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS! = )
10 Years M A instructor
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Good Christ, what kind of neighborhood do you live in?
Anyway, I think you should tell him to reconsider the karate offer. Don’t force him, but do strongly urge him; tell him that you are deeply worried about his safety and that you would feel guilty if something truly serious happened to him. If nothing else, it will give him confidence, because that’s mostly what he needs. People like these bullies choose people and situations that can easily be taken advantage of. Unfortunately, your son is among the latter. Confidence in himself will go a long way…even if he ends up still getting beat up after karate lessons, he’ll at least make the perps think twice before going after him again if he puts up a good fight. These kind of people (the bullies) are lazy. Your son should make it more challenging for them. Also, karate might make him more aware of his surroundings, so that he can see possibly dangerous situations coming sooner and learn to avoid them altogether.
Hope this helped! Good luck!
10 Years M A instructor
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If he isn’t talking to you I think you should ask a close friend of his if the injuries he’s sustaining are form the same person/people.
This looks like it could be serious. You may want to consider taking him to a professional. You both have to sit down with and talk about this, be it at home or in front of a psychologist.
10 Years M A instructor
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i would say, go and tell him that he should do karate classes. Like ya know, learn the basics. BLocking and everything. That way he will feel more comfortable. He may be miserable about this, but think about it, he’ll probably thank you, plus, he’ll make new friends. I didn’t want to do it, but my parents made me, so now i can whip anyones butt! =P
10 Years M A instructor
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I understand your concern. Bullying is a tough issue and can have tragic consequences if not handled properly – but In this situation there is hard evidence of physical abuse.
That has to stop immediately. Your son must fear for his life! Who are his friends? Doesn’t anyone stand up for him?
Have you contacted the school? Do they have an anti-bullying program? I would contact them without delay and demand that they take action. I’m sure your son is afraid of that but – how much worse could his situation get?
Anti-bullying Programs teach kids that standing around and watching while someone else gets bullied is as bad as being a bully. It’s everyone’s responsibity to speak up and tell the bully to back off. If the school doesn’t have a program – get one started.
Your son needs to know that this isn’t his fault. Get him counselling to help him cope and if the bullying doesn’t stop – get the police involved.
Check out Dr. Phil’s website (drphil.com) for information about an anti-bullying program and talk to your son.
10 Years M A instructor
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some kids and teenagers and various adults dont like confrontation.–it isnt an age thing –its a personality thing–and to say taking him to karate classes is a big no no–having him learn this stuff and then he finally snaps he could hurt someone badly or even kill them–
some things to look for is maybe he acts either nerdy–or somewhat like a homosexual guy–and this tends to lets people think they can pick on them because they are different—i know this as i went through this when i was a teenager—but i coped with it–
what everyone here and out there in the world–if you never been picked on or bullied-you can never know what it feels like–i entered sad stages in my life–and as i got older i learned to cope with the fact others didnt like me for who i was so they acted like they were better than me–
alot of parents are paying for home schooling-teaching kids at home–maybe instead of teaching your kidskarate and violence—see what it will take to get him home trained–i see few kids here now that being home schooled and are very well taught–and probably went through the same thing he is –
10 Years M A instructor
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