Probably the funniest thing you’ll ever see
Tag Archives: Chuck
Why do I have so much talent?
How come I can always make my dog spew just by blowing on his gooch? And why do I always win at the sausage sucking contests? And how come I always get to the lunch line ahead of Becky and get the last seezer salad and spunk in it before she sees me? And how come so many peeple need toylet paper? What do u do with that stuff NEway? And why do draculas always chase me around the kitchen when I am just trying to take a dump in peace? And why is it that I always score in foosball just by firing the ball out of my bunghole and onto the table? And why do midgets always smell like mustard? And how come I get the perfect attendance award at karate skool and I never get my yellow belt though? And why won’t Chuck Norris return my calls? I know he’s into guys, so why not me? I’m a manly man and all brawny and full of bravado and musk and machismo and all that. Oh, and how come only the orange tic-tacs make my cat pregnant? Why is that?
chuck norris: true or false?
T for true and F for false
1. if chuck norris cried (never has, never will) his tears would cure cancer
2. he is suing NBC, claiming law & order are trade marked names for his right and left leg
3. the cheif export of chuck norris is pain
4. if you can see him, he can see you. if you can’t see him, you’re moments away from death
5. he has counted to infinity. twice
6. it says that chuck norris holds all records in fine print in the guiness book of world record. listed names are the closest anyone has gotten
7. chuck norris sends blank forms and a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack for taxes. he has never had to pay taxes. ever
8. police label anyone attacking him a 45-11…suicide
9. teenage mutant ninja turtles are based on the true story when chuck norris swallowed a turtle, crapped it out, and the turtle was 6″ and knew karate
10. the grass is always greener on the other side, unless chuck has been there. in he has, the grass is soaked in blood and tears
11. chuck norris is suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything in the universe
just read them, ren
is it possible for chuck norris to have a karate so powerful that even he couldnt stop it?
Chuck Norris is acknowledged as the greatest martial artist in the universe and God like in his ability. Is it possible for him to have a move that even he would not be able to stop?
New Chuck Norris jokes?
Chuck Norris doesn’t “keep it real.” Reality keeps itself Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’s motto is “a$$-kickin’ good.” KFC tried to sue him, but he broke their copyright in half with one kung-fu grip. To this day, all KFC’s will cross the street when they see Chuck Norris.
You know why it’s the Golden Arches and not the Gold Rainbow? Chuck Norris.
Even Chuck Norris jokes are scared of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not allowed to sit in the side aisles on airplanes. His body is so dense, the plane is thrown off balance.
Chuck Norris seldom flies anymore. His entire body is on the “restricted items” list.
When Chuck Norris was a baby and couldn’t roundhouse kick, he killed people with his beard.
Chuck Norris isn’t allowed in vegas anymore. He always hits on 21 and gets blackjack. He also kills anyone he sees playing baccarat, because baccarat is for wusses like James Bond.
Chuck Norris loves ballet, especially when it’s down and bloody and oozing through his fingers.
Everyone thinks Chuck Norris cured cancer, aids, and hunger. They’re wrong. He _killed_ them, not _cured_ them.
Chuck Norris’ favorite movie is E.T. because he wants to break his personal record of breaking someone’s neck in 18 places with one roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris’ favorite song is one that wasn’t written by somebody he’s killed, which leaves “The ABC song.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t bother with sticks when he makes a fire. He just stares at it. He also doesn’t use fire for barbecues. He just roundhouse kicks the cow until it’s medium rare.
A1 steak sauce is not “that important” to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris went to China once but they only eat rice. Chuck Norris doesn’t eat rice. So, he roundhouse kicked himself to Australia’s Outback Steak house.
Chuck Norris once jumped off the Empire State building. That’s why New York is an island today.
Carrot Top was once roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. Pretty obvious, isn’t it?
Chuck Norris is the champion of the Pepsi Challenge. Forever.
Chinese people think Chuck Norris is a god. Chuck Norris allows the smart people to live.
Chuck Norris tried to learn Tai Chi, but he killed too many people in slow motion.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shop at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart shops at Chuck Norris.
A mugger shot Chuck Norris 28 times in the head once. Chuck Norris laughed for so long that the mugger died of old age.
Chuck Norris walked into a bar and roundhouse kicked the bartender, killing him. Then, at one of the tables, he roundhouse kicked a priest, a rabbi, and an Irishman. At the next table, he killed a blonde and her mother-in-law. Chuck Norris himself will admit he’s not good at telling jokes, if he ever admitted any weakness.
Chuck Norris doesn’t put his jeans on one leg a time. He roundhouse kicks it into submission until they meekly crawl up his legs.
You know why Chuck Norris doesn’t like the Internet? He can only roundhouse kick somebody one at a time.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a tree in the forest. It fell and there was nobody around to hear it. Chuck Norris heard it. It said, “Ow.”
Chuck Norris runs with scissors because only he can.
Chuck Norris is always suprised when he catches a bullet with his teeth. Usually, they go down without a hassle.
Chuck Norris sued James Cameron for using his image without permission in Terminator 2. Chuck Norris lost the court case, which is why the Titanic really sank.
Chuck Norris has a lot of respect for Bruce Lee…because he survived.
The only thing that could harm Chuck Norris is bad publicity…until he killed it.
Chuck Norris can pat his head, rub his belly, and jerk off at the same time.
You know what is Chuck Norris’ motto? Staring.
You know the story of “Around the World in 80 days”? Chuck Norris went around the world 80 times in one day. Barefoot.
A tribe of forest elves lives in Chuck Norris’ beard. They don’t make cookies. Only wuss elves make cookies. These elves make plutonium.
Chuck Norris used to work at Disneyland as a teenager. His beard was one of their rides until the “accident” that killed 30 wuss boy scouts.