A libertarian lady wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:
The White House – 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue – Washington, D.C.. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment ofthe Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at GuantanamoBay, Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You’ll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the”Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers” program, or LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of carefor Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended inyour letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that yours ensitivity to what you described as his “attitudinal problem” will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offen dhim.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I’m surey ou will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka — over time. Just remember that it is all part of “respecting his culture and his religious beliefs” — wasn’t that how you put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed – and remember…we’ll be watching.
Good luck!
Donald Rumsefeld
I wouldn’t adopt any terrorist or any known criminal. And I wouldn’t associate with anyone should they turn terrorist or become a criminal.
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I think that’s one of the best things I’ve heard in a while. All these people are saying how we’re abusing prisoners and all this other crap. I say that these prisoners are even lucky to be alive. They would kill you rather than look at you. I’m not stereotyping a group or nationality here, but it’s the people who get captured during battle that have no rights – all IS fair in love and war.
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Very good question…I don’t think that any of them would.
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LOL
I’m a liberal but that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen here
at Answers yet…
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How much are they going to pay me? Where are they going to put his cell? and Can I have a cute one?
It’s not our job to house terrorist detainees. It’s our government’s job to do so.
But how can we go out and police the world under these great ideals if we can’t even stop ourselves from being hypocritcal SOBs. If we’re holding the world up to our standards, shouldn’t we have some??
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ROFL good one!
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Well, I guess the Bush administration really does care. Or they are really giving her a backhanded slap for being stupid. I think it would probably be the latter.
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There’s the Trasky I know and love. Good one. Keep them rolling!
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I guess you could say I’m more conservative then whats on the media. That being said your bogus letter isn’t all that funny. It kind of annoys me like all the Anti bush stuff that has no backing other than to insult and say the same things that have been said a thousand times. I feel like america is being polarized to too sides that just like to poke cheap shots at each other and make corny jokes. instead of haveing a debate that might be productive. Isn’t anyone getting sick of watching the news and they have a Right wing guy on and a Left wing guy on and they just yell and talk over each other for 5 minutes and nothing really gets said. Then they move on to the next topic and its the same thing. I vote we stop gripeing at each other and start trying to convince each other. PS just cause you use a question mark dosen’t mean its a question
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Now, Rev-i-poo.. Did you type that in all by yourself??
Garsh… in your own way you are trying to make a mockery of the liberal left. This would show just how idiotic you on the conservative right are.
Rather lame if you ask me. I mean, what’s the point? Are you trying to prove that the right is better than the left? That your views are better?
Hardly.
I bet you even think you’re funny, too.
Hardly.
Let’s just conclude that neither your side or the liberal side is correct because both ideologies are flawed. So, your trying to mock the left is moot.
Did I mention that I saved a ton by switching to Geico?
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nice try at forgery trask
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You just live off these urban legend sites.
Be sure to read this letter in your goodwill visit to the Muslims. They will understand completely.
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READ THE TRUTH ABOUT AHMED’S ISLAM HERE:
http://www.faithfreedom.org/index.htm
AND HERE:
http://www.apostatesofislam.com/index.htm
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Were you afraid to spell Rumsfield correctly, for fear you’d get in trouble?
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Rev, please believe me, we are huddled around the computer with a thunderstorm overhead waiting for either the power to be interrupted or the computer to just explode.
We are roaring with laughter! That is very funny.
However, holding prisoners in ¨another country¨ so that it is ¨legal¨ is a very questionable issue. That is not funny.
The 33 million dollars that the DOD paid Haliburton to build the prison is a big waste and could have built a very nice spa here for my family. Instead, it will make give an exec a Christian bonus.
Why does Cheney continue to recieve $150,000 per year from Haliburton?
What are his $18,000,000 in Haliburton stock options worth if the war ends?
I´m sure you find those things just as humorous!
Nevertheless, very funny!!!
Keep up the good work
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Read the book titled The Stark Decency. It’s about a German POW camp. US guards treated the prisoners as human beings. They even became friends on occasion.
The military policy was to treat Germans well to induce them to treat our prisoners well. (nothing is perfect, but it’s a start and a sound plan)
By the time the war ended, German prisoners were mourning the death of FDR way more deeply than the death of Adolph.
Further, everything I’ve read on interogation techniques points to treating prisoners better than they’re treated back home. If you offer someone a better deal than they have now… they take it and they cooperate.
I don’t give a hoot about other people’s cultures. If someone wants to eat with chopsticks, fine. If someone wants to wear a towel on their head, fine. If someone wants to bow namastay to you every two seconds, fine. But human decency is human decency in any language and the only way to get it is to give it.
You can list all the reasons why someone should be treated poorly, and you would be 100% right. The irony is that the minute you start treating others poorly, there is only one direction to go, and that’s down.
Keep up the good work
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